Managing medical records is not an easy job. But when simple grammatical errors or word order render a whole new meaning to serious health conditions and symptoms, they can be a source of funny linguistic mistakes. The importance of clarity in medical language is made obvious in the following examples of actual entries made in hospital charts!
Funny Medical Records Entries
Physicians often are forced to record their pateints’ cases under pressure. This is especially true if there are many patients to care for or when working in a busy Emergency Room where patient care must be triaged accordingly. But what happens when accurate language use is critical and time is also of the essence? Inaccurate medical record entries even in the native language of a physician can be misinterpreted in the same way that an inaccurate medical record translation into another language can be confusing or misunderstood. In the examples below, the mistakes are humorous and the meaning can still be deciphered. But this is not always the case.
Alive But Without My Permission | Funny Medical Records
“Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.” (Does one need permission?)
“Patient was alert and unresponsive.”(Difficult to be both)
“Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.” (Wow, that’s a long time to lie only on one side!)
“On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.” (Where did it go?)
Patient Refused Autopsy | Funny Medical Records
“The patient refused autopsy.” (Difficult to refuse once you are no longer breathing)
“The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.” (Also depressed, how strange then that she is crying constantly)
“The patient has no previous history of suicides.” (How did the doctor take this patient’s history?)
“The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.” (Maybe she needs to stop seeing her doctor)
Anorexia for Lunch | Funny Medical Records
“Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.” (How does one taste anorexia?)
“Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.” (Hope they brought their red blood cells)
“Occasional constant infrequent headaches.” (Headaches all the time, some of the time, and almost never??)
“Rectal examination revealed a normal-size thyroid.” (This must be a new procedure)
Skin Pale But Present
“Skin: somewhat pale but present.”(Hope it doesn’t fade away completely)
“The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.”(Does one have to lay down on the floor for a pelvic exam?)
“Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities.”(Although teenagers can at times behave abnormally, are they really an abnormality?)
“Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.” (I wonder if he has ever been in the circus?)
Force Fluids Through His Interpreter
“May have lollipops orally.”(Is there another way?)
“Surgery will be performed under General Anastasia.”(Hope the General is not too heavy)
“When she fainted her eyes rolled around the room.”(Was she able to collect them once she came to again?)
Directions for Xray Request
Never take an X-ray request literally…
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